This was probably the hardest week of my mission. We had the worst lessons I have ever had in my life. I swear every lesson we had this week the investigators challenged every point of doctrine that exists in the church and just attacked us. It was exhausting trying to answer such deep doctrine questions. I feel like we just got ripped apart by everyone we saw this week. But it's okay, the week is over, and we got the opportunity to bear testimony again and again that God loves us. But I definitely think it took its toll on me.
We had a lesson with our gators, Dusty and Brianna, this week and it was extremely overwhelming. Brianna thinks that she has made too many mistakes for God to love her anymore and she thinks the devil owns her (she is 13 mind you). So trying to get a word in while all the adults yelled at her for an hour... totally almost lost my cool. But we were able to share D&C 18:15 "the worth of every soul is great in the sight of God" and Alma 36 reminding her that she can never sink lower than God's love. It is infinite. Then we got a text this Friday from their fellowshipper, Sister Weaver, saying they don't want anything to do with us anymore and to never come back. I think of when Dusty sat and testified to Brianna that their lives have changed and that they have been blessed so much from the gospel that we brought to them. She said that over and over again to her daughter...listen to the missionaries and they will help you change your life. So that was a big blow.
This week we had zone conference and I think it is the best zone conference I have ever been to on my whole mission. I finally agree with everything our mission is trying to achieve. Our goal for the year is 453 baptisms based on the scripture from Alma 45:3 "Yea I believe." President Morgan went out of his way to personally talk to me and see how I am doing. I feel like I finally have a good relationship with him and I can rely on him and it has been such a blessing I can't even begin to tell you.
We had to drop Andrea and her two girls this week as well because we just can't teach them right now due to some circumstances. I honestly think this week about did me in. I am frustrated that I haven't found success since I left Highlands. I have spent 2/3 of my mission working to help people and lately every time I come into an area I lose everyone in my teaching pool. I don't understand what is wrong with me or the reason the Lord even called me on a mission if I can't find success. I am tired of feeling like a failure. But I know I am just tired and the week was long and I had less actives and an investigator and a companion challenging and putting down who I am and what I believe. But I know that there are always good things to come. I know God puts us through trials so we learn what is worth trialing through. I wouldn't value or cherish my testimony if I had never been challenged to keep it. We don't understand those that matter to us until that relationship is challenged. Trials help us understand what is most dear to our hearts.
Anyway, pray that the weather gets better, It has been in the -30s with the wind chill. We got ice last night and it is supposed to get even worse tomorrow so I pray that the mission won't "park" the cars so we won't have to walk in the cold!
Love you with all my heart!
PS. Hey...fun fact. Brent Eldredge, the country singer, is from Paris and he wrote a song about Paris called "Signs." So if you want to know what this place is like, listen to the song. Haha
PPS. Tell Aunt Claire thanks for her letters. I am trying to read them all and respond but I only have one hour at the library.
|Sister Rouse & I in our matching hats|