Monday, September 8, 2014

He Isn't Asking Me to Be Perfect

Dear Family,

This week was extremely busy. It was a hard but satisfying week and as I looked for the positives I was able to see the good through any of the bad that happened this week.

We had a lot of meetings this week that kind of made it hard to do missionary work. On Wednesday we had a Sisters weekly planning conference with all the sisters and STLs in our zone. It was alright. It was from 10:30 to 2:30pm and it was good and I appreciate what was taught but I didn't really feel like I learned much and felt like there could have been a better use of our time. But I got to see people which was fun and we had lunch together and stuff. It was good.

Then on Thursday we had President Interviews. It went alright. I don't enjoy interviews with him because he doesn't talk with you, he just talks at you. He didn't even ask me how I was doing. He spent the whole time talking about my companion and how much he respected her (which I don't mind that at all) and then about my area but he didn't ask me how I was doing or how things were going in my life. I just find it hard talking to him because I have had a hard time lately finding respect for him in how he is handling situations in the mission. I am trying to find that respect because I really do feel bad that I can't say I love my mission president like a lot of people I know can say. But I have determined not to let the agency and the actions of others determine my mission or my happiness. So things have been easier day by day when I have just let go about worrying over things that really don't matter at all. Just trying to stay here in Fulton and stay focused on the area of the mission that I can make an impact on.

It has been really exciting being in this area. It has its difficulties but I feel like it has so much potential. I have been trying really hard to draw from all those I have learned from on my mission and have started pushing to get this area going. The ward has so much potential. If they could have even half of the drive that the members in Jackson had we could do miracles and so I have been taking things that Brother Baird taught me and have started implementing them in this ward. It is time to shake things up. I have come to the conclusion that I struggle with trusting Heavenly Father. I feel like unless I am perfect I can't talk to him and I can't expect to receive any blessings or any miracles which I realize that that is a stupid statement. For the past two weeks or so I was like super depressed. Really bad wanted to come home all that jazz. I realize that I had lost my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I was trying to do everything on my own and when I would fail at being perfect or obedient to this or that I felt inadequate to talk to him. Isn't it funny how one of Satan's biggest tools is to make us feel like nothing. The more we feel like nothing the more we feel like God thinks we are nothing and the more we pull away from Him and soon we are left trying to fight this battle all alone missing our key soldier. We can't do anything without the Lord and it is so silly to think that we could ever be below His love or understanding. He isn't asking me to be perfect. He is just asking me to try.

Last Friday I actually had the blessing and opportunity to go to the temple because this is Sister Corder's last transfer and the temple is closed for cleaning the rest of the transfer. It was a huge blessing. Definitely gave me the strength to handle so much more everyday. I had been feeling like physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted and I felt like the Lord gave me so much more strength to handle all of it. It was awesome and I wish more than anything Sister Hansen could have been there.

In closing what I learned this week was actually from a Mormon message we watched with a family this week for a lesson. It is called the "Hope of God's Light". I have watched this video over and over because I feel like I can put my life in his story. But what really hit me this time is near the end. He talks about how God does not always answer our prayers until we are humble enough to receive them. The Lord understands our hearts in a way we will never comprehend. He talks about how it is part of our condition as mortals to feel like we are surrounded by darkness. But He is always there to light the way. He will nurture little by little a questioning and hurting soul until the moment we are ready to finally see. He has promised to be there every step of the way and He is. We just need to realize that it comes through small and simple ways until our heart is ready.

I love you so much and I hope you have a wonderful week. Thank you to all my family, friends and mission family for the love you give me every day. Couldn't make it without you.  :)

Love- Sister Lundskog
This is a cicada. They look like flying frogs and they dive bomb your face and they are annoying and loud

I just went home for a bit...haha

The Missouri River

Sister Corders

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