Monday, August 11, 2014

Finding Faith

Dear Family-

Well, this week went by in a blur. To be honest I can't really remember anything. We are still working and praying for miracles every day.

This week we had mini missionaries. Mini missionaries come and stay with you for a couple of days. We actually ended up having Jayce, our ward mission leaders daughter, with us. That was kind of weird because we were visiting members and less actives she knew but it worked. It was a little surprising to be with a high schooler again. I realized in a weird way how much I have grown in the two years I have been out of high school. Isn't it funny how we think we know everything as teenagers, right? It was cool though cause she did actually teach me some things as well. We made her do some tracting and different things and it was cool to think back about the first time I went tracting or the first lesson I taught and to see where I have come from because sometimes we don't see the growth or the change because we get so busy.

While Jayce was with us we actually had a little miracle. We were tracting some houses and in-between two houses Jayce asked "What happens if they say yes?" and I just looked at her and said "Well, we would go in and have a lesson or schedule a return appointment. But I wouldn't really know because I haven't really had that experience at all on my mission." I have never really found a solid person through tracting, that hasn't really been the way the Lord has lead me to people on my mission. Well, we walk over to the next house and there is a girl outside and Sister Hansen asks if she can give her a card and the girl said "Of course, what is it for?" and Sister Hansen said "Well, we are missionaries from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints and we share messages about Jesus Christ. Is there a time we can come share this message with you?" She said, "Yes, come on in." Haha We didn't even know what to do with ourselves. Literally five seconds before I was telling Jayce that I have never had a miracle like that and then it happens. I think God has a funny sense of humor sometimes. We just talked to her for a little bit and invited her to church and set up a return appointment. Unfortunately, she did not come to church and that was a hard blow to take but we still are hoping she will want to meet with us this week.

Besides the mini mission, not much happened this week. We worked and tracted and contacted and tracted and tracted some more but didn't receive too much success from any of that. Sister Hansen and I did have our first argument...haha. We sound like a newlywed couple. We have been struggling to find ways to find people here. Ways that will help us find those who are waiting for us, to love the people and to find ways to connect with them. I think the frustration just built when we kept asking the same question to each other..."There has to be more we can do. What should we do?" Well, neither of us has the answer and I think we just kept getting fed up of spinning in circles with this area. You would think in an area this big that surely there would be someone somewhere who needs the gospel. As we keep finding rejections we start to believe that it is us and our lack as missionaries. That we are not good enough to be stewards over this area. But, nonetheless, we keep trying. At least we can show the Lord that we love Him if we are out working everyday. It will show our loyalty and determination, even if we never find anyone.

This week we finally were able to have a lesson with our only investigator, Brother SC. It was the most stressful lesson. He is so analytical and he is extremely picky about the use of words so if you do't use the right words to explain something, you have to spend ten minutes unfixing the new problem he now has. We decided to teach him the plan of salvation and the only part we got through was the premortal existence. So right now his deciding factor to believe in the church is that Satan and his followers will not get a second chance. He believes that anyone can go from good to evil and evil to good which is true. But, we tried explaining to him that even if they had a change of heart they cannot change their consequences. We can make a choice we want but we can never pick the outcome and he could not believe that. He said that we were undermining God if we said that. I don't know, it was just a really hard lesson and I was so frustrated because being able to teach is something that I have worked really hard to learn and be good at and I feel horrible when teaching him. I speak simply and I focus on the things that matter. As his wife said to him, does it really matter that your faith hangs on the balance of a choice you didn't make? Focus on you and the choice you made and you will find the answer later. But, he just can't wrap his mind around that, I guess, and it's hard because it really doesn't matter. Well, that is how I think at least.

Anyway, this week was long but it hasn't been too bad. Just learning why I am here has been a little frustrating. I have felt far from Heavenly Father lately. That's maybe my fault, throwing up walls when I feel like someone is walking out on me. But, trust is something that takes time to learn and understand and so that has been my focus this week. Throughout the day I have made a big effort to talk to my Heavenly Father. Not to talk to Him in the official formal prayer but to truly open myself up and have a conversation with Him throughout the day. Sometimes I find it hard at night to pray to Him because I feel like my boat is sinking and He is just standing by. But, we must rely on the times that the Lord has answered our prayers and believe He will answer them again. I can't see the big picture nor am I going to pretend I can. I don't have all the answers and just like Brother SC, I can ask the whys all day long but the truth is that I am not gonna understand everything in this life. Because if I did understand everything then what would be the use of faith? What would that accomplish me to know all the answers and still be here. I wouldn't learn anything. I wouldn't grow to become who I am supposed to be.

So, I am in the process of figuring out who I am supposed to become....one day at a time.

What I learned this week:
Faith and fear cannot reside in the same place at the same time.

I love you guys and I hope you have a better week.

Love you-Sister Lundskog

P Day with Sister Hansen

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